How to feel connected when you feel you don’t belong anywhere and disconnected

It might be a reoccurring feeling that you can’t quite place and you have no explanation of what is causing it. Sometimes it is just emotions that overtake you. Feelings of loneliness, of being sad for no reason. The sobs that you find yourself in when you really have not lost anyone and nobody did anything to you.

Sometimes maybe you just want to go under the blanket because it is the only place you feel safe. The only place you feel you belong, wallowing in your sadness.


Maybe sometimes it’s bigger than that. You are thinking of hurting yourself just to end the pain. Well, hold on the thoughts for a while as there might be alternatives and even simple ways to feel human again, to feel like you are a part of the community called humanity, that you belong.

Here is what you may try:


Talk to people who have always shown you unconditional love.

People who have never judged you, who never told you to woman or man up you are a big girl. May be its that old lady friend of yours whom you met unexpectedly and whose age comes with wisdom, and she has been trying to reach out to you but you have been to busy. Yet you know she will always pray for you. Pick up the phone and talk to your mom, your aunt, a sister. Tell them you feel down. You can even tell them to keep you in prayers. You might even be surprised when they say they are always praying for you. Now that is a good one, to know you are not alone and there are people who care for you and love you regardless of your pain. I can assure you the moment you talk to people who are non-judgemental towards you; you will start to feel better. You will cease to feel alone because you will realise there is unconditional love around you and that you are not separate from it.

Go for a stroll or a walk and hear the birds sing and be present

It’s not just the bird that you will encounter in this journey but also humanly miracles. Here you might just find out you are not an island but human and part of the universe. You might find the bliss in the quietness of your mind alongside a park path. If you are lucky you might just meet a father with his 2 years old toddler who would not spare you to go by without a high five. Oh, and how miraculous is that? Who in their right mind will not get goose bumps from such a lovely gesture from a young fella with an innocent, open heart, only delighted to be strolling the open space with his father?  Well connectedness to other and our surrounding is all round us but because sometimes we close our self off and concentrate only on the negative ordeals of our lives, we miss them. How about that old man walking his dogs, and he just happen to notice you and say hallo, or even just a nod to show you that “I  can see you”, because you are human and so he is? How about that young parent walking his son, who just seem delighted and having a time of his life, and he just happen to gesture to you that his young fella wants to give you a high five? We notice those gestures only when we are present. If you are not, you would even miss the greeting meant just for you. How many of us take time to greet people we meet? Good evening! That’s what I heard the other day, from a complete stranger and he asked if I could give his bold, cute, handsome son a high five. If I was not listening and being present on what’s around me, I would have missed it. Little did this man know his being present in the moment to notice me walking past him and his young son changed and made my gloomy day!  The moment that high five happened, a light on my soul flickered on. I realised there and then, that I am not alone, and I am part of something bigger than myself than I thought. I think the moment we realise that and engrave it within our psyche, we can avoid having gloomy, under the blankets day.

Maybe my gloomy days aren’t over yet. Maybe they are trying to tell me something. But at least I am learning something from them to keep me from having more under the blankets days.




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